Consecutive unsuccessful attempts to locate a Taco Bell, despite roadsign signs promising one: 4

Hours waited for pizza at Di Fara, Brooklyn: 1.5

Minutes it took to eat the pizza: 4

Minutes I’ve spent wishing I had more of that pizza: 473

Filthy bathroom floors my purse has sat on: 28.33

Average hours slept per night: 5.5

Number of radio songs to which we have changed the lyrics to incorporate the word “Arby’s”: 172